Author: Kim Forrester

Why we thrive when we actively connect with our ‘village’

If the long weeks of pandemic isolation and social distancing taught us one thing, it gave us an opportunity to appreciate and value our social connections and most supportive friendships. Indeed, one of the main reasons humans have flourished on this planet is because of our cooperative behaviours; our ability to help, support and share new knowledge with each other.

Correspondingly, research shows that the most effective way to foster happiness and inner well-being in ourselves is to open oneself up, make oneself available, and be there (be generous, helpful, kind, supportive) for others.

What is it with social connection? Why does it heal us in profound ways, raise us to greater emotional heights, and quite literally compel us to live longer? If authentic, vulnerable connection with others is such a powerful force for good, how on earth can we embrace and enhance it in our modern, disconnected lives?

We are ‘village’ people, and – as social distancing highlighted – even the most introverted or isolated among us cannot live a truly flourishing life without reaching out in vulnerable moments. Social connection is a vital key to our well-being. And that means we can all benefit from emphasising connecting more deeply, and more frequently, with the people around us.

Of course, personal interaction and socialisation are not one-size-fits-all kinds of affairs. Striving for greater social connection doesn’t mean we all become social butterflies, with a wide circle of friends and acquaintances. And neither does it mean we all begin to limit our social relationships to one or two intimate friends. However, regardless of how ‘social’ we naturally feel or how comfortable we are in social settings, there are ways we can each strive to enhance our social connectedness:

Break the ice: introduce yourself to ‘strangers’ you see often — the regulars at your favourite park, the barista at the local coffee shop, the familiar faces on the morning train. You’re not expected to become friends with these people, but a simple handshake and a “Hey, I see you all the time and feel like I should know your name” can do wonders for creating a more connected community.

Allow for friendships that feel good (rather than look good): We all have unique reasons for choosing particular friends or seeking out particular social groups. However, if your social choices are purely based on who is most connected, most cool, or most useful to you, you may struggle in times of vulnerability. Allow yourself to (also) build and foster authentic friendships — people who may not offer you all you desire on a material level, but that lift you, inspire you, and leave you feeling good about yourself.

Prioritise social connection in your schedule: It doesn’t matter how busy we get, we always benefit from finding time for the things that we value most. Set aside time each day, week, month (depending on your personal circumstances) to catch up with authentic friends. Sharing meals is a powerful way to connect so if your days are super demanding, share some of your breakfasts, lunches or dinners with your most valued friends and family.

Aim to be a safe space for others: We’re all human and, therefore, we all have the capacity to judge, criticise, gossip and demean. However, in order to foster greater social connection, it’s imperative we try to rise above unhelpful and unhealthy behaviours and habits. Become aware of how you react to others in need. Aim to be less judgmental, more understanding; less critical, more helpful; less aloof, more engaged. Healthy social connectedness is a team sport and creating an environment where we all thrive, starts with you.

Practice vulnerability and help-seeking: In the developed world, in particular, we have come to view vulnerability and help-seeking as a weakness. We have come to regard self-sufficiency as the single greatest factor of success, and we have forgotten that the human experience is often defined, not by how hard someone persevered and toiled, but by their personal luck or providence. Needing help is not a weakness; it is an inevitable by-product of a fickle human existence. Learn to open up when you are in those inevitable and understandable moments of need. Reach out to those you trust most and allow those who wish to help, an opportunity to do so.

Philosophers have long contemplated why we chose, as a species, to live in communities. Why form social groups when we can easily sustain ourselves alone? The answer, some maintain, is simply because we cannot imagine living without social connection; we cannot flourish as individuals without supporting each other through life’s troubles.

Our modern lives may have removed many of us from that lynchpin of human connection — the village — but recent events have given us an opportunity to reinvigorate our relationship with ‘the tribe’ around us. As we navigate a society that is increasingly more isolated, lonely, and socially disconnected, it is up to us to answer the call for greater connection; to open up, reach out, connect authentically … and thrive in each other’s spaces.

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I am making 2024 the Year of Living Deeper and, this month, I am exploring the importance of social connection and deep, authentic relationships.

Join me on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn for regular tools and tips, and be sure to subscribe to my monthly newsletter as we dive deeply into the benefits of a curious nature.

Nurturing Deeper Well-Being through Embodiment

Touch is one of the most basic human needs and yet many modern-day practices and attitudes are antithetical to the idea of touch, intimacy, and embodiment.

In my late twenties, I was employed as a duty manager at a well-known tourist hotel in Rotorua, New Zealand. One morning I arrived at work to hear that, tragically, an elderly gentleman from a Japanese tour group had passed away overnight due to a heart attack. There, in the main lobby, the man’s shocked wife sat silent and alone. The tour guides stood awkwardly nearby while the rest of the tour group huddled together on the opposite side of the room.

I was deeply moved by the woman’s isolation and aloneness so I approached her quietly and took a seat beside her — so close our legs were touching. Then, I gently reached over and took her hand in my own. For the next half hour, the two of us sat there in silence, holding hands, sharing each other’s space, and allowing her unspoken grief to be acknowledged and witnessed.

At a time when no words were possible — she spoke no English and my Japanese was very basic — it was gentle, compassionate touch that allowed us to be there with, and for, each other in our shared humanity.

It is impossible to overstate the immense benefits of welcome touch on our ability to thrive.

For decades, and around the world, researchers have shown that touch is not only a basic human need but also an essential element for our overall health and well-being. Studies have shown that touch can lower stress hormones such as cortisol while stimulating the production of endorphins, which are natural painkillers. Regular touch has also been linked to improved immune function, better sleep quality, reduced anxiety levels, and enhanced mental clarity.

When we engage in positive physical contact with others our bodies release oxytocin, commonly known as the “love hormone.” This natural chemical promotes feelings of trust, bonding, and relaxation.

On the other hand, evidence has shown that a lack of touch can lead to increased mental illness, emotional dysfunction, retarded development in children, and even death in infants.

Touch deprivation in the modern world

For millennia, our ancestors were fully embodied in the world; bare feet on the earth, wind and rain on the face, gathering and harvesting food, communal sleeping and eating. However, these days, most of how we interact is with our fingers and hands: our phone, our keyboard, our coffee cup, our remote control.

Technology has undoubtedly brought countless benefits to our lives, enabling us to connect with others across vast distances. However, it has also inadvertently created a profoundly touch-deficient society. The joyous act of cuddling or holding hands, the deep connection formed by in-person gatherings, the physical sensation of printed books and newspapers, the immensely tactile hobbies of knitting, woodturning, and gardening — many of these embodied activities have been replaced by fingertip scrolling, mental stimulation, and virtual connections. As we become more engrossed in our digital lives, the subtle beauty of gentle touch has faded into obscurity.

What’s more, societal norms have gradually discouraged physical affection in public spaces*. In our (understandable) desire to protect ourselves and others from unwanted touch, we have inadvertently demonised all forms of tenderness, comfort, and intimacy. This physical isolation has left us starved for genuine human connection, trapped within emotionally sterile societies that lack the natural comfort and connectedness of touch.

Finally, as our lives have become more insulated and indoor, we have detached ourselves from nature and the elements. We are largely shielded from the sensual experiences that nature offers; the feel of grass beneath our feet, the caress of a warm breeze against our skin, or the tactile joy of gathering food from its natural source.

Is this increasing disconnection affecting our health and well-being? A lot of research indicates, yes. Increases in loneliness and isolation, depression and anxiety, and disconnection and mistrust could all be reversed if we learned to become more embodied, tactile, and willing to accept warm touch as a vital element of our daily lives.

*Touch deficiency is most prevalent in the UK and USA. In many cultures, such as in France and Latin America, interpersonal touch is still relatively prevalent.

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I am making 2024 the Year of Living Deeper and, this month, I am delving into the importance of embodiment, healing touch, and tactile interaction.

Join me on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn for regular tools and tips and be sure to subscribe to my monthly newsletter as we dive deeper into the joys of embodiment.

Let’s make this the Year of Living Deeper

I have a pile of fascinating books next to my bed. Although I can’t seem to find the time to read them, I always find the time to scroll through social media or watch quirky YouTube videos. Sound familiar?

I have a list of beloved friends that I miss dearly and would love to connect with properly, but I never seem to have time for anything more than a quick message. How about you?

My attention span seems to be getting shorter, and I’m finding it increasingly difficult to read full-length news article, relying instead on summaries, social media threads, or TV segments to tell me what’s going on in the world. Does any of this resonate with you?

In the whirlwind of our modern lives, where the constant hum of technology and the pursuit of instant gratification often take centre stage, it’s easy to find ourselves living on the surface, disconnected from the richness and depth that life has to offer.

But here’s the thing: research consistently shows that our well-being flourishes when we infuse our lives with mindfulness, awe, savouring, curiosity, self-reflection, connection with nature, and meaningful social connections. Yet amidst the hustle and bustle of the modern world, many of us find ourselves caught in shallow living — our days filled with superficial interactions and disconnected moments.

In the coming 12 months, I have made a conscious choice to delve into the depths of life — to explore ways to enhance my experience and cultivate a profound sense of contentment and fulfillment. And I warmly invite you to join me on this transformative journey.

Throughout this year, we will be exploring many ways we can connect with life more deeply and thrive on a whole new level. Together we will unmask the illusion created by social media and technology — a world dominated by curated images and fleeting glimpses into others’ lives. We will seek genuine connections and meaningful relationships that go beyond the surface.

We will rediscover intrinsic values, shifting our focus from possessions and appearances to the deeper, more fulfilling aspects of life. We will reconnect through mindfulness and presence, embracing genuine conversations where the nuances of expression and the warmth of human connection unfold.

Stepping outside, feeling the elements on our skin, we will embrace the wonders of touch and embodiment. We’ll rediscover the joy of being truly connected with nature — of feeling the earth beneath our feet.

In a fast-paced world that often leaves little room for stillness and the savouring of life’s moments, let’s intentionally slow down. Let’s create spaces for mindfulness and appreciate the beauty that surrounds us.

And let’s embark on a journey within — cultivating self-reflection, shedding light on our biases, and embracing the transformative power of self-discovery.

But it doesn’t stop there. In 2024, we will deepen our binds within our communities. Acts of kindness, shared experiences, and collective growth will be the building blocks of a more interconnected world.

We’ll rekindle the spiritual flame — the connection with something greater than ourselves. As some regions move away from religious or spiritual connections, they risk losing the profound well-being benefits of faith-based communities. Together, we’ll explore and embrace these connections.

In a world where instant gratification often takes precedence over depth, let’s shift our focus towards deeply fulfilling achievements nurtured through patience, meaningful action, and long-term effort.

And most importantly — let’s celebrate knowledge! In an age of summaries and shallow information overload, let’s find joy in diving deep into books, articles, and inspirational topics — an exploration that leads to true expertise in various subjects.

As we step into this new year together, let’s make a collective commitment to live deeper lives — to embrace mindfulness, foster genuine connections with ourselves and others around us — and savour the profound richness each moment has to offer.

Join me on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn for regular tips throughout the month. And be sure to subscribe to my monthly newsletter as we embark on this transformative journey together.

Together, let’s make 2024 the Year of Living Deeper — a year filled with meaning, purpose, and a profound sense of well-being.

Know someone who could benefit from a deeper connection with life? Please share this article with them.

Purpose is more important than you may realise

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In our busy lives filled with responsibilities, desires, and commitments, it’s helpful for us to reflect on what it means to create — not just a life — but a life lived fully, and purposefully.

In the first week of January 2000, coroners across the western world began to notice a strange trend — from London to New York, the death rate for that particular week was 50% — 60% higher than usual. After some investigation, it was determined that the strange statistics arose out of a determination to stay alive.

Specifically, across the world, people on their deathbed had willed themselves to live to see the dawning of the new millennium.

In the years since that astounding display of purposeful living, researchers have discovered that a sense of meaning is, indeed, a powerful tool for greater health, well-being, and longevity. As well as compelling us to live longer lives, injecting meaning into our days can have profound benefits on our overall health, well-being, and happiness.

What is purpose … and why does it matter?

Living with purpose means rising above “just going through the motions”; it’s about infusing meaning into our actions and personal goals and seeking out activities that are filled with personal significance.

When we do this — when we make meaning a priority — the benefits extend far beyond the immediate satisfaction of completing a task. In fact, purposeful living has been proven to boost life satisfaction and well-being in numerous ways:

· a heightened sense of identity

· increased social interaction

· improved physical and emotional well-being

· improved self-expression

· increased confidence

· higher levels of life satisfaction; enables “thriving”

· longer life

Unlocking the Keys to Purposeful Living

Some of you will understand the incredible sense of engagement, vitality and joy that comes from engaging in truly meaningful lives. However, for those of you who may be seeking a more purposeful life, there are two important factors to understand.

Firstly, aligning your actions with your core values is key to unlocking a life rich in purpose. Understanding what truly matters to you and living in alignment with these values leads you towards activities that resonate with you at a profound level. This alignment not only boosts your energy and engagement but also brings a profound sense of fulfilment.

Additionally, the pursuit of intrinsic rewards, those that come from within, holds more power for your happiness and well-being than external validation. Rather than chasing goals solely for recognition, wealth, or external validation, it’s more powerful to focus on the intrinsic joy derived from living authentically and with a sense of personal satisfaction, healthy pride, and inner growth.

“Your purpose will always energize and inspire you”

Tips for Cultivating Purpose in Your Life

Struggling to find what’s most meaningful for you? Here are some simple tools that can help you recognise where purpose may lie:

Know Your Values: Take a moment to identify and embrace your core values, letting them guide your journey towards purpose.

Embrace the Feeling: Shift your focus from how tasks look to how they make you feel. Prioritize engagements that resonate with you authentically.

Align with Your Strengths: Seek opportunities that align with your values and allow you to express and nurture your unique strengths and talents.

Celebrate Your Uniqueness: Recognize that your most meaningful actions may not conform to external expectations. Embrace your uniqueness and let it shine.

Balance self with the needs of others: Altruism is a powerful tool for personal and social wellbeing so, if you tend to be self-focused, seek out ways to use meaningful actions and activities to lift and support others. If you are someone who constantly puts others before self or has trouble saying “no”, appreciate that your purpose will always energize and inspire you. If an activity leaves you emotionally or physically depleted, it is probable that your giving is not ‘purposeful’ but habitual.

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Together, let’s make 2024 the Year of Living Deeper — a year filled with meaning, purpose, and a profound sense of well-being.

Join me on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn for regular tips throughout the month. And be sure to subscribe to my monthly newsletter as we embark on this transformative journey together.